I got hang out with this guy I've been getting to know named Brian and I was scared shitless because a week ago I had made it known to him that I had feelings for him. I thought things had downhill since he didn't talk to me for a few days but then over this past weekend he started messaging me quite a bit and we made plans to hang out sunday night at his place, where he was going to cook dinner.
I didn't get my hopes up because despite what my gut and most of my friends/family were saying, it was possible it was just a casual friend together. It's safer to have a lower expectation than get insanely hyped up and be disappointed if it doesn't turn out the way you think it might. Past experience has taught me that much.
It turned out to be a fun night but one that started off with a very ominous undertone. It was the first night that I had ever been to his apartment and I had never known he had a little Beta fish in a tiny tank. I was asking him about it and found out that it was his ex-girlfriend's fish that she had left when she dumped him. He hadn't had the heart to throw it out so he's been taking care of it all this time. Well, keep in mind this is his ex-girlfriend's fish. I was playing with the fish, trying to get some life out of it and saying to Brian, "Man...your fish looks sick." He laughed and then went back to cooking dinner, leaving me with the fish. I continued to tap on the glass and was watching it when all of a sudden it shuddered and it started to flip over. It literally died on me. I was horrified! I didn't know what to do. I was in the apartment of this guy I liked and I practically killed his ex-girlfriend's fish. I actually picked up the little tank and shook it hoping to reorient the fish so it didn't look so.....dead. No such luck. I decided to play it cool and not say anything, hoping he wouldn't notice. Well, about a minute later he turned around to say something to me and was like, '.....what happened to my fish?' 'Um....it's not what it looks like.' He couldn't believe the fish died on him! He ended up losing it and laughing so hard I thought he was going to cry. Once he stopped laughing he was all, "Well...if that's not irony, I don't know what that is." I didn't catch his drift at first. I was just glad he wasn't mad at me for it.
Well, it wasn't until an hour later when we were watching a movie on his catch that I finally caught his drift. We had been watching the movie for about an hour and I was thirsty so I had leaned forward to grab my drink and was so caught off guard when I leaned back that he tried to put his arm around me. I was like, 'what are you doing?' He just looked so nervous and said, 'Oh well....I've been thinking about what you told me last week..and um...' He couldn't finish the sentence, he was so nervous, so I asked him, "You were thinking you were maybe considering saying yes to me?" He just nodded and was like, 'yeah...' So I asked him if he liked me and he said yes. So, imagine my happiness when we ended up cuddling while we watched the rest of the movie. It felt so nice. I haven't had a guy do that in so long it's ridiculous. It just felt so right being in his arms I can't explain it.
It was also really good because he opened up to me about his concerns in dating due to his bad history with his most recent ex. I swear, the more he described her the more I kept thinking about one of my more recent ex boyfriends. It reminded me so much of my relationship with that guy and it really helped me understand where Brian was coming from. His last relationship moved way too fast for him and it ended up really hurting him so he's really scared of it happening again and getting hurt so I had to make sure to reassure him that I wouldn't do that to him and that I'd be willing to be patient and take things slow so he wouldn't feel pressured (because to be honest, he is so close to the perfect guy for me that I would do anything to make sure that I didn't mess it up or scare him off).
Hmm...the rest of the evening continued in his basement where we spent an hour jamming on his electric guitars and he showed me his computer recording studio set up for his music. Ah....I've always had such a thing for the artistic/musical type. :) He just happens to be in the same major as I am which is Illustration and he's garage punk/metal guitarist.
Good times. :)
I'm so happy in just getting to hang with him that I don't care how slow we have to go. It's just worth it. :D
CIAO!
Also..here's a lame short video I recorded of him playing his guitar last night...he was just riffing along and playing part of a song he wrote.
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